Hello Reluctant Networker,
Thank you for putting yourself out there to meet people and for your inquiry. Many ask about the experience when getting comfortable networking and networking when people seem coupled in conversation.
Singles and groups of three, or five, tend to be the best to approach, because of pairing opportunities, but sometimes an existing two-person group is where you want to be, so here are some tips to join the conversation without making it awkward.
Approach the pair with clear sights on the person facing you. If there is no eye contact, they are not aware of your presence. If they do make eye contact, give a nod with raised eyes as if you are asking silent permission, “Alright to join in?” Look for a welcoming acknowledgment. If they do give you the go-ahead, approach more directly. If there is no nod back, or welcoming gesture, skip it and wave as you pass to another opportunity to meet someone else. This will prevent you from joining a deep or heated conversation. This is often revealed by how close together they are standing and how closely aligned their feet and faces are (this is an indication of engagement).
If you don’t make contact, simply send an email, or text, stating you enjoyed seeing them there and look forward to connecting directly soon, as you did not want to interrupt what looked like a private conversation. You will likely get a reply inviting you to tea or coffee, or something else, and that may work out even better for a more meaningful, one-on-one conversation if that is of interest to you.
Let’s say you do get the green light, now what? Resist bounding up and taking over the conversation. You will likely want to smile and approach the person with whom you have had some engagement with and wait. If you know them, a touch on the elbow can be okay and yet, some people don’t like that, so be mindful of who it is that you are engaging with. Still smiling, having your right hand free to shake hands and awaiting a pause in the conversation is best. Watch their body language for who, and when, that will work.
One of the best things you can start with is stating something sincerely such as “Thanks for welcoming me in” or “Thanks for waving me over,” so the person feels you connected and “got” the message, and the other person/people know you aren’t exactly “crashing.” From there acknowledge, without apology, that you noticed they were talking and you’ll be brief with an introduction. This way, you can move quickly if the reception is somewhat cold and they can offer something like “we are in no rush” to encourage you to stay longer.
No matter what, be kind to yourself and keep making the effort. Networking will pay off in the long run and, often, those pairings will be grateful you got them to stop talking shop, or only to one another, so consider your insertion an opportunity for you and for them.
Cheers,
Debbie
Debbie Lundberg is the founder and chief executive officer of the Florida-based firm Presenting Powerfully where she delivers keynotes, facilitation, teaching and coaching. As a 12-time published author, certified virtual presenter, certified life coach, certified leadership coach and certified image consultant, Lundberg co-hosts the Business of Life Master Class podcast. Her book, Remote Work Rockstar, is a guidebook for working, and leading, virtually. She recently ended a four-year commitment as chair of the American Heart Association’s Circle of Red, in order to serve on the Patient and Family Advisory Council for Tampa General Hospital.